Summers Will Forever Be Ours
by Ianna Nolinski
Summary: 'We'll Always Have Summer', leaves the beloved characters Belly and Conrad forever united in infinity having just married. But what will happen next to this young couple and their families Laurel, Steven, Mr. Fisher & of course Belly's second love, Jeremiah? What do the future summers look like in Cousins in Susannah's once loved beach house?
1. Chapter 1

**This is my own version and continuation of Jenny Han's brilliantly written 'Summer' trilogy. I warn you I am new to writing fanfic, and to be honest didn't even know what they were until I had my sister explain it to me. But hey, sounds like fun. And I absolutely love this book (who doesn't) so I thought I'd give it a go.**

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_"I go wherever you go," he says, launching us into the water. This is our start. This is the moment it becomes real. We are married. We are infinite. Me and Conrad. The first boy I ever slow danced with, ever cried over. Ever loved._

Chapter 1

Could this be happening? The day I had forever been dreaming of since I was ten years old finally came true, today I was Mrs. Isabel Fisher. It was so surreal I couldn't believe it, every birthday cake wish, all those nights of dreaming, reminiscing old memories... to end up here. I guess that's the perfect thing about _infinity_, it's never ending with no start and no end- it's just a feeling that can not be traced back to a simple "when", because looking back through strung together memories there was never a single moment when I realized I loved him. I just always felt right. And I knew somehow Conrad and I would always find a way back to each other.

The music began playing Stay by Maurice Williams and the Zodiacs, but to be honest I could barely hear to over the my uncontrollably racing heart. I worried the thumping was so loud, that everyone surrounding us could hear it. Conrad didn't seem to notice, but could tell that I was nervous, he kissed me gently on my forehead. I was never good with crowds, I was also not used to wearing semi-high heels, which Taylor insisted I buy. I suddenly had a vision of tripping, wiping out in front of our entire family, and being the next viral video. Headline being-'Bride Falls, Takes Down Wedding Party Like Giant Bowling Ball'. Conrad grabbed me closer, I laid my chin comfortably on his shoulder. His shirt was still very wet from our secret beach expedition. Suddenly that vision went away, and the only thing in my mind was Conrad, the boy who would never let me fall.

"You okay?" He whispered softly in my ear.

"Perfect." I whispered back. I saw a smile form across his face. "Are you surprised we ended up here?" I asked.

Still holding me, hands balanced around my waist, and mine draped gently over his shoulders, he replied, "Not at all".

I leaned in closer to his ear and with a definite sureness, whispered, "Me either..." He twirled me around, spinning me closer.

Most of me wasn't surprised at all, Conrad and I were always meant to be together since the beginning, that I was sure of. Every summer of my life has brought me closer to this one, this moment. However deep, deep down, I guess I was a little bit- I mean just a few summer's ago Jeremiah and I had been engaged. How did we get from that to here, where did the time go? I still remembered everything Jeremiah had told me that day, our wedding day and I meant everything I told him. He asked me that day, if part of me still loved Conrad. But the truth was, my heart was divided, Conrad would always have a part of it. But I soon realized that so would Jeremiah, it's just how it was. He was my best friend and I really did love him. I just loved Conrad more.

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Jeremiah's POV:

I stood on the side of the dance floor and watched her dance (or attempt to dance). They came back soaking wet, her hair no longer in perfect curls. And as much as I didn't want to admit it... she looked happy. The entire wedding thing was bittersweet, the better half of me was happy knowing she was happy. The other half was slightly devastated. I came to the wedding with Shauna, a friend from work and somewhat on and off again girlfriend, nothing serious. Nothing compared to the relationship I had with Belly.

If it was anyone else, I might have been mad, but this was Belly. After our _almost_ wedding, it took every part of me, to stop myself from chasing after her. There would be no point, if I did catch up to her, what would I say. Beside I was the one that had let her go. I meant what I said, she deserved to find out for sure. But I also knew, that once she was gone, she'd be gone for good. I was the reason she went running back to Con, I let it happen; all because I kept telling myself that I was the good brother. I only wished she could see it too.

After the newlyweds had finished her first dance, the crowd cheered. I glanced over at Laurel who was being handed a tissue, courtesy of Taylor. She had been tearing up too, her mascara beginning to smudge. Girls are just too emotional I thought. I remember when Belly and I were dating, she'd constantly complain about her friendship with Taylor. After a few nights of swearing she would never speak to her again, they would eventually forgive each other and go back to being best friends- happened every time. At the end of the day they were there for each other. I missed having someone like that, a person who had my back no matter what I did and what new level of stupidness I achieved. Back in the day, Conrad was that person. He wasn't just my older brother, my confidant, he was my friend. He was the only one who truly understood what I was going through when mom died, of course because he was feeling the exact same thing. After the whole Belly drama, Conrad and I just weren't the same, as brothers, let alone as friends. In regards to our friendship; it was long gone, nonexistent.

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**So yeah guys that's the end of Chapter 1, tell me what you think, I tried to keep it as factual to the book as possible. But please correct me if I wrote something inaccurately :) I'm going to try and have a chapter out every few days, since it's summer and I have no life. ****Stay tuned for the next installment!**


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

We kissed our families goodbye. My mother urging us multiple times to drive carefully. And each time, I promised we would. The storm had gotten worse since the night began; raindrops were coming down in sheets, flying every which way in the indecisive wind. It was already agreed that Conrad and I would get the house all to ourselves that night and family would stay at a nearby inn, still in Cousins. The summer house was only about 15 minutes from the reception hall.

"And if it starts to rain hard, you'll pull over right?" She pleaded. Conrad just nodded back, giving her a reassuring glace.

Conrad always had this deep relationship with my mom, a loop that I wasn't apart of and could never really understand. She understood him in ways I didn't. She even knew him better at times than I think he knew himself. After Susannah's death, both Conrad and Jeremiah relied on my mom, and my mom was happy to help in any ways she could. She would do anything for Beck's boys. As time passed, they didn't need her as much, but they were always keen to kept in touch. Conrad explained to me once, that she was like a nice reminder of his mom. That my mom was the last connection he had to his. Despite the fact that Mr. Fisher tried his best to keep things running smoothly, he was the farthest thing from Susannah.

Conrad held the umbrella over my hair, trying to salvage the remaining ringlets that were still curled. I told him not to worry about it, but he insisted on holding it anyways. Taylor, as my maid of honour, held my dress so that it wouldn't drag in the muddy puddles that were forming on the paved walkway. Conrad paused a moment, feeling his pocket and said, "Be right back, forgot something." Which then he handed Taylor the umbrella and preceded on darting back inside. Taylor with difficulty juggled both the umbrella and my dress within her grip. "Here." I said reaching out my hand.

"No, this is my duty as maid of honour." She stated proudly in a proclaiming voice. A job she took very seriously which I couldn't help but smile over."It's principle."She added, rolling her eyes when she saw me holding back laughter.

"You nervous?" She asked in a comforting, voice, like we were two sixteen year old girls again gossiping over boys we liked. Taylor of course was always more experienced when it came to everything like that. She was the one who got her license first, had her first kiss before mine, and of course was there with all the details the morning after she lost her virginity, back in junior year. Between me and her there were no secrets, Taylor was there for all my life changing moments just as I was there for hers.

"Yes and no, yes because it's my honeymoon and no because it's Conrad." I replied just as Conrad came back running. He apologized for taking so long, which he hadn't. And then we were off, Conrad by my side, holding my hand. The future looked bright.

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Conrad's POV:

I could tell Belly was pretty tired, excited but tired. But I really wanted to make a stop before heading to the house. I pulled into the women's shelter and Belly's eyes looked over at me wide, as if asking if this was okay. Even though it had been my idea. I gave her a little smile to tell her that I was fine. "I thought she should she be part of today." I said, my voice breaking. Belly nodded in agreement. I got out and helped Belly out of the passenger seat. We headed towards the wooden bench in the middle of the garden. Directly underneath the bench was an engraved plaque, it read _'In memory of Susannah Fisher, forever in our hearts'- s_he really was. There wasn't a day that went by where I didn't think about her, miss her. It was painful to think that she was no longer with us, however being with Belly, made that ache of missing her feel less empty.

"I think she knew." Belly said to me in a quiet voice, like she was twelve again.

"I think she did too." I said, embracing her. She was crying softly in my arms, her face buried in my jacket.

My mom loved Belly as if she was her own, the daughter she never had. I think my mom always knew that Belly and I would end up together from the start. I think everyone kind of did. Belly was one determined girl, stubborn in the best way. Everyone knew she had a major crush on me since we were little, I did too. Steven had told me when I was about 13 years old, that she had a notebook where she used to write down Mrs. Conrad Fisher over and over with her favourite scented markers. When she finally confessed to me the summer before my mother died her feelings toward me, I didn't tell her at the time... but I already knew. However I never truly knew how much that really meant and I like the idiot I was, I took advantage of it, of her. I learnt later on just how completely amazing that was, to have someone like Belly be always on your side. And I learnt that even a spark that strong, needed reciprocation in order to fully blossom. And from that I learnt; that love is a fight, and I was going to have to if I wanted Belly to love me again.

When she wasn't looking, I grabbed her charm bracelet from my dampened pocket. "Here." I said placing it gently in Belly's palm.

"What the-" She began as she started examining the bracelet, with a confused look on her face; touching each charm as she moved her finger across the cool metal. First the horseshoe, then the conch shell, the bathing suit, the sand castle, the pair of sunglasses; all summer charms my mom had gave her when she was 11. Belly's face lowered when she touched the small silver key that Jeremiah had given her on her 16th birthday. I could tell that she missed him. In fact I did too. She looked up with a surprised smile, holding tightly to her newest charm and letting out a tiny gasp. It was a gold heart with a elegant pink diamond centered in the middle, with today's date carefully crafted on the back.

"I feel like I should get to be represented too." I added. "Now you don't always have to wear the necklace I gave you." -which was no longer shone like it used to and was beginning to rust. She reached her hand up to her neck, stroking her infinity necklace, still holding the charm bracelet tightly pulling in close to her heart. She didn't need to tell me she loved it, I knew she did. She began kissing me, softly pecking my lower lip. We stood there kissing in the rain for what felt like forever, neither of us pulling away.

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**Hey everyone, hope you enjoyed it :) Please leave me a review, favourite or follow! I will try and have a new chapter out every Saturday :D**


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

I began walking up to the front door, heel in each hand. Conrad ran ahead of me and scooped me up, my girlish shriek was barely heard over the joyous sound of laughing. I held on tight as he carried over the threshold, turning on the lights with my foot. He gently threw me onto the couch, landing with a soft bounce. I heard the old springs creek as Conrad sat down right beside me. I ran my hands through his shaggy, brown hair. He kissed me tenderly. His eyes were closed, I felt his nose beside mine. I felt each soft breath as he inhaled and exhaled, me trying to match his as I continued kissing him.

"You sure you want to do this?" He opened his eyes, and glanced right into mine, looking slightly dazed. His eyes reminded me of an infinite night sky, like the night we had shared under the stars, which felt so long ago. In my mind that night would always be perfect, one of my top moments, following this one. I nodded shyly. Conrad grabbed me by the hand while I trailed quickly behind him, up the stairs into his darken bedroom. This was it, I was about to give all of myself to Conrad Fisher. _Please take care of me. _I thought to myself as I slowly began unbuttoning his dress shirt, my hands shaking eagerly.

He laid above me, his sweaty palms pinning my arms gently to the bed. When you're that close to a person everything feels magnified, even the slightest flex his muscles made when he breathed, felt bigger. Every emotion was intensified, even when I thought it was impossible to love him more. His soft eyelash brushed subtly against my cheek, giving me an instant internal rush. I could tell Conrad was nervous, afraid of hurting me as if I was a delicate ornament scared of somehow breaking. It did hurt a little like I anticipated it would but the pain was worth it for those few drawn out minutes; Conrad and I were one.

The room had a musty smell, the smell of sweat and dust compiled from the past year in an unopened house. The frost creeping upon the glass detached us from the outside world into the easy comfort of the semi faded four walls which surrounded. Only a dim sliver of moonlight shone upon his face, making his glossy eyes appear even bluer. The nakedness of his face made me feel this strange uncontrollable desire. And for a split second he looked like the once innocence little boy I knew, the one I used to adore. However a quick glare down his steamy figure and muscular build assured me the boy had been long gone. He gripped me softly with his clammy hand, and gently removed a stranded hair off my face. Even in the blackness of night, I knew him. Even if I were blind, I'd still know every part of him.

We laid there cemented on the rigidity mattress staring into each others eyes for what felt like an eternity, concentrating solely on the air caught between our nearly touching faces. I started into his eyes, and stroked his face once, trying to memorize this very moment. Between kissing my neck, Conrad heavily whispered, "I wish this...you were my first...I'm sorry", slowly swallowing each word . I continued to kiss him passionately with a deep urgency. _I love you_, I mouthed.

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FLASHBACK:

I week after our engagement, Conrad came to my house. My mom always let him stay the night because she didn't like him driving back to Boston the same day. Worked out for me, I got to spend more time with him. My mother was working late that night, and appointed Steven to secretly "chaperone" us, even though I was twenty-three almost twenty four. It's not that she didn't trust Con; it's that I don't think she really trusted me, after the whole Jere incident. Naturally, Steven left five minutes after my mom did to go to one of his friend's house parties, in other words to get shit faced.

"As fun as it is to see you and my baby sis get all kissy kissy, I'm headed out." He said to Conrad making a gagging face, pretending I was invisible, "I'm staying at Nick's so don't wait up."

"Leave already.." I said throwing the couch pillow in his face. Blindsided Steven stumbled backwards knocking his glasses to the floor. Before I even had a chance to blink he had already picked it up and threw it back ten times harder than I hit him. Downside to having an older brother. I flinched and opened my eyes cautiously when the pillow I had been expecting didn't arrive.

"Sorry man." Con said after bravely intercepting the pillow before it collided with my face. I stuck out my tongue at Steven who was now rolling his eyes.

"Wow, Belly has made you no fun dude." He said laughing, walking out the door with the keys in his hand.

"I don't mind..." Conrad said smiling looking at me. _I don't mind..._ What did that mean? So I was no fun.

Although he meant well, I was kind of disappointed. On the scale of regular couples, me and Conrad hadn't done anything like that, considering the fact that we known each other our entire lives. I knew Conrad had though, just not with me. I tried to not let it bug me, I tried to not picture my Conrad kissing other girls or compare myself to them, but I couldn't help it. No matter how hard I tried, a sad but true revelation wouldn't leave my head. He did all that because _he wanted to_. And he didn't seem like he wanted to do any of that stuff with me.

"I'm really tired, I'm going to go to bed." I tried to make my most convincing yawn. Conrad looked confused, unsure of what to say, or what I was getting at. Did I even know? We did have the house to ourselves, maybe tonight was the night. "Are you sure? I thought you wanted to watch a movie. If you fall asleep on me, I won't be offended, I can carry you up to bed."

"No, I think I'm just going to go to bed, but you can come with if...you know...want." I stuttered, nervously. A slight defeated look came over me, which Conrad instantly noticed.

"Belly...I..." He said his voice trailing off, I already knew how pathetic I was I didn't need to hear it out loud especially from Conrad. He stopped, he was speechless, which wasn't something that happened often.

"I'm sorry just forget it, let's just watch the movie." I said turning on the t.v.

Con took the remote and turned it off and directed the conversation back to... whatever me trying to seduce him was, "Belly of course I want to, I hope you know that."

"Then why don't you, I mean we are engaged and we never-" My voice sounded so demanding, immature, I hated when my voice sounded like that.

"I just want our first time to be special. I want to be married to you."

That should have been enough. I should have just let it go, but stupid me persisted. I wanted to know. "I'm just so worried you won't like it with me, I mean I'm not as experienced as other girls you've done it with." I could tell that hurt Conrad slightly, I instantly regretted bring it up. I wanted to disappear and a part of me wanted to die internally for what I had just said. _What was I implying?  
_

"The first time, I did it I was nineteen and beyond nervous. I had no idea what I was doing it was like my whole body was on automatic pilot and my mind was somewhere else. I took the girl out on a date to the movies and we did it in car in the theater parking lot behind the dumpster before heading home." He looked up at me, his eyes full of regret. He continued, "we ended up breaking up a few weeks later, after she told all her friends what we had done. It was right before my mother died and I was a mess, it was also the the year you told you loved me, all I could think about was you and her." Conrad spoke sincerely, allowing himself to be completely vulnerable. It was nice hearing Conrad be so open and honest, however I still wish I hadn't asked.

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I woke up my head comfortable on Conrad's warm chest. Conrad was always a light sleeper, I guess he felt me stirring and woke as well.

"I'm sorry to wake you." I said lying my head back onto his chest right over his heart.

"It's okay, Belly. We should be getting up anyways it's almost noon and it's such a beautiful day." I saw the sun leaking in through the blinds. Seeing the room in daylight, allowed me to process what happened that night. Us cuddling in Conrad's room after sleeping together in Conrad's bed. It was just as I always thought losing my virginity would be, at the summer house.

We suddenly heard a knock from below. Conrad and I exchanged looks, mine more confused. _Who could that be? Everyone knows we're here._ Conrad rolling his eyes in a playful manner. "It's probably the mail man or something, don't get up, I'll get it." He said, pulling an old t-shirt over his head, slipping into pajama shorts. I naturally turned away, while he changed. Force of habit. I guess Conrad caught me, and called me out for it.

"I don't look that bad do I? I know I'm not as hot as you but still." He said jokingly leaving the room. I pulled the morning cooled off covers over my head trying to hide my uncontrollable smile on my face. He paused in the doorway, giving me a loving glance, "You really do look beautiful Isabel." _Isabel_, in all the years I've known Conrad, he had never called me by real name. During summers, the only time I'd hear Isabel was when my mom had something serious to tell me, everyone else referred to me as Belly. I didn't particularly love the name Belly it was just a playful nickname my dad had given me when I was little which ended up sticking. Maybe it was time to adopt back my real name, like I had done when in the "real" world. But my life here, my relationship with Conrad never felt like the "real" world, it was our childhoods, our secret never ending paradise. It was the realest thing anyone here has ever known.

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**I hope you enjoyed this chapter, I wrote it entirely in one night, so yeah probably won't be doing that again. Please leave your feedback, follow/favourite! Also if you guys have any ideas as to what should happen next, I love to hear your thoughts. :) New Chapter Every Saturday!**


	4. Chapter 4

**Hey everyone so I'm on holiday for the week so I apologize for uploading this late. I also probably won't have much time to write chapter 5 this week. But hopefully after vacation I can regularly upload on Saturdays :)  
**

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Chapter 4

Despite my huge desire to...well... not want to, I finally unwrapped myself from the warm tangled sheets and arose slowly into the chilly ocean air. I wish I could've just laid there forever...and I wish last night never stopped. I've had a lot of amazing moments at the summer house before, but this by far was the one I would always remember as the best night of my life.

I walked stiffly over to the bathroom, my body numb, my mind busy on an internal high full of pure happiness. I looked in the mirror at my hair going every which way, some strands stuck to my face. My eyes were red and sore from forgetting to take out my contacts. My noise runny, probably from staying out in the rain so long, not that I regretted any of it. But even though I was a complete and utter mess, Conrad still looked me in the eyes and called me beautiful. I loved that about him. The old me would've been mortified by the way I looked, but not now. I was too happy to care, Conrad was my husband and that was all the mattered. My eyes were too swollen to put my contacts back in so I quickly searched my old bedroom for my glasses and sure enough there they were sitting on my nightstand collecting layers of dust. I hadn't worn them in forever not since I got contacts my junior year of high school. They were a little small and would probably give me a headache in five minutes, but do-able under the circumstance. Conrad was taking a long time so I decided to go check on him, I tossed a lacy white slip over my head which I brought to match my lace underwear.

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Conrad POV:

I opened the door. I don't know what or who I was expecting, but it sure wasn't Steven and Jere. Steven stood hunched while Jeremiah was slumped over his shoulder his face bruised, with an expressionless look to him, his eyes blood shot. His odor reeking of smoke, sweat and beer- an odd combination. He appeared completely out of it.

"What the hell happened to you?" I asked concerned and annoyed. I mean this was supposed to be our honeymoon, a drama free zone away from our ever so dramatic family. I day were Belly and I could just be that- alone.

"I got into a fight" Jere slurred in one running sentence, his voice unchanged, ever so distant. Steven carried him past me straight to the couch where he later passed out.

"Well I can see that." Sometimes I hear myself saying things only a father would say, or in other words; the obvious. Not that I was my anything like my father. Jere was always my mom's golden boy, whereas I was closer with my dad growing up. Of course that all changed when I realized how much of a dick he was.

I came to the conclusion a while ago that I had no right to be disappointed in Jere, even when he did stupid things. It was kind of an unspoken agreement between us, that neither of us could judge the others person's decisions. Our relationship, or lack of, was like a bomb waiting to explode at any time. I wasn't going to be the one that stepped on his pride and fume the fire. And as much as I wanted to believe that he was really happy Shauna and _this_ didn't have something to do with Belly, a part of me already knew it did. But could I blame him... look what I did at his wedding, at least he had the balls to walk away.

"Look-I'm sorry we're here." Steven said acknowledging me, "There's no way in hell, I could bring him back to the motel like this. I know you wanted to have the house to yourselves... but I had no where else to go." At this time Jere was snoring loudly, drool was coming out the sides of mouth. I told Steven to get a bucket in case Mr. Idiot here, couldn't hold his liquor.

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As a walked down the stairs, I heard faint talking from the kitchen. It was Conrad and... Steven!? What the hell was he doing here? On my honeymoon. I was furious, I flew down the remaining steps right towards them ready to give him an ear full.

"What the hell is going on?" He look at me, shocked, and reverted his eyes the the floor. I looked down at me too. Oh my god, my brother just saw my in my underwear. Conrad I guess had noticed too and stepped quickly in front of me, handing me his wrinkled tee. So not the reaction I was going for.

"I'm sorry..." His voice shaky. "Jere got wasted, we had no where else to go."

"You're a fucking adult Steven, I'm sure mom knows you guys drink." Which she did, during our high school years, Steven would occasionally come home drunk. My mom would wait up for him and then boom, instant punishment. It was like a trap, I would sit on the top of the stairs and listen in. The point being, she knew.

"Belly, come on... You know how she would've reacted. It would've become such a huge deal." He squirmed trying to reason, his fists clenching his sweaty palms tightly. I guess to some degree Steven did have a valid point- my mom would've blown everything out of proportion, she was as protective of the boys as if they were her own... but still this was their fault. Why should I compromise my honeymoon because they decided to get drunk and act stupid on my wedding night. Not surprising I may add, Steven and Jere together always meant some sort of trouble. The upside to keeping your expectations low is that keeps you from being surprised.

"It is a huge deal." I corrected him, "you guys are unbelievable!" I stormed out of the room, hitting each step hard as I marched upstairs. Sitting on my bed with the old pilly pink blanket I instantly regretted acting so childish. After all I was married, I wasn't that desperate little kid begging for attention anymore. Or at least I didn't want to be. I hated Steven for being able to push my buttons in the way only a brother could. I hated myself for being that girl again.


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5

Jeremiah POV:

I woke to the sounds of several thunderous bangs followed by a loud slam of a door. I looked around- my vision blurry, focusing in and out as if the room had been spinning. It took me a couple of seconds to realize I was at the beach house, immediately I felt sick._ Luckily there was a bucket next to me. _

The beach house was always my favourite place to be but not anymore. What once held memories of laughter and joy now held tainted memories of her. I promised myself I wouldn't think of her, the good or bad, as if one would cross out the other. It didn't matter- they both hurt equally. I guess that's like any breakup though, except magnified due to the fact that I've known Belly since literally forever. That's a lot of forgetting your brain has to do. It's hard to get over someone when you have to see them all the time, to hear about how their doing, and as much as I didn't want to listen, I couldn't not. The fact she was married to my brother didn't help. For a long period after we broke up all I wished for was a second chance. I wished she loved me, the way I loved her- that we could have what she and Con had. But most of all, I just plain and simply missed her, the way she made me feel, the way I could make her laugh. I missed her laugh.

When I saw her the first time since our almost wedding, it was like getting hit by a twenty foot wave of every possible feeling. All I wanted to do was grab her and kiss her, a long tender kiss full of passion and longing. I wondered if it would magically erase all that was and perhaps be enough for her to say she loved me too. The idea was far fetched, I know.

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FLASHBACK:

It was a few months after Belly had gone to Spain. Laurel had told me earlier in the week that she was flying back for a weekend- the anticipation was just killing me. Con was still caught up in California finishing up mid semester assignments. He said he intended on moving back to Boston for med school next year, saying he was sick of the long commutes back home. To be honest I didn't care what he did, it's not like we were close- I had my own life apart from my brother. I had emailed Belly a few times since, all kind of surface level stuff. I knew wanted to see her again, to see how she was. And as bad as it sounds to show her I was okay without her- even if I wasn't.

"So what's the deal, you guys cool?" He asked while I rolled down the window trying to get some air into the almost non moving vehicle. Steven was always the slowest driver of all of us, and everybody knew it. Whenever we had to go somewhere, Con or I would volunteer to drive. We said it was because our mom insisted on paying for the gas, which she did, but really it was because we wanted to get there the same day. Today though I didn't mind, it would give me time to think. To somehow put into words all that I had been feeling.

"Yeah I think so." I reassured him, I even smiled. Even though, I myself had no idea.

She came down the escalator with her baby blue carry on trailing it behind her, I think my mother bought her that. I waved, she waved back shyly, I could tell she was surprised to see me. I hugged her wrapping my arms around her waist, I felt her hands press tightly against my back. I let go could see her mind turning as if she was telling herself to smile back. She gave me a bittersweet smile and turned to hug her brother, re-grabbing her suitcase in her other hand. Steven opened the back seat and began carefully rearranging the junk before throwing Belly's stuff on top of the pile of gym equipment and empty water bottles. Belly and I leaned up against his truck, our legs nearly touching waiting for Steven to unlock the door.

"Nice hair, it's short." I asked breaking the silence; Belly fidgeting with strings of her hoodie pulling them back and forth.

"Thanks" she said reaching for her newly cut locks, "I just wanted a change you know."

I did know, maybe all too well. The amazing thing about beach house is that it didn't change. It was founded on million memories, memories that were even older then us. The beach house was bigger than simply Con, Belly, Steven and I. It was my mom... and Laurel... and family, it still looks and feels the way my mom left 's what made it so special, it was like it was always there waiting for us to return.

Steven pulled up at the college parking lot. Belly wanted to see Anika and Taylor, catch them before they left for "reading" week. Something our school always did around mid October- kind of like a spring break in fall, basically I chance to catch up on sleep. Belly and I heading towards the dorms while Steven went and bought a parking pass.

"I haven't been here in awhile." She said. Neither had I, as soon as I got back from Cousins that summer after Belly and I broke up, I moved into a student house with a few of us frats. Actually it was one of the apartments Belly and I had been looking at together back went we were a couple, but I didn't tell her that in my e-mails. I merely responded, "Yeah, neither have I."

"Too bad I'm only here for the weekend; it would've been nice to go to Cousins. It feels like I'm missing out." The tone on the entire conversation was quite subdued, the beach house was always our mutual bond. It always felt safe to talk about, even when my mother died. There was so much I wanted to tell her, all these thoughts weighing my mind, like your heart begging to be noticed. Pleading- _remember me?_

"Don't worry your not missing out on much, no one really went much last year. Me busy with school, my dad working and stuff." I paused. "...Con's still study in California." She didn't even look up, not making any reaction- I didn't know whether to take that as good sign or bad.

"Yeah I haven't talked to him at all, I'd have nothing really to say." She said looking down at her feet, not making eye contact. _So they hadn't talked._

"Same." The awkwardness was killing me. This was us, for goodness sakes, "Sorry." I added underneath my breath.

"For what?" She asked, still walking in parallel strides just a little in front of me.

"For bringing it up." _By it, I meant him_. With a short pace she stopped and turned her head back in a slight gesture, I stopped too, "he's your brother- you can say what you want." Yeah I thought. Conrad may be my brother but he was also my ex fiance's ex boyfriend whom she still had feelings for. I knew that this was wrong, me liking her... but it somehow felt justified, like how Conrad had wronged me. All one giant complicated messy web of emotions, that we were all tangled in.


	6. Chapter 6

**Hey everyone sorry for the delay but university leaves so little time for writing, I'll try my darnedest to get these chapters up sooner.  
**

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Chapter 6

Somehow sitting on my bed looking out the window at the distant blue strip made me feel calmer. I can see now why sulking at sea water could be therapeutic. Conrad came up shortly after just as I was expecting he would, ashamed to admit- I don't need him to fight my battles. I felt his hand gently rub my back, I could feel sticky tears still on my face. _Why had I been crying anyways?_

"I'm sorry." He whispered close feeling his minty Colgate breath lingering in the air.

"It's not your fault." I said as I leaned against his shoulder, "I'm sorry for freaking out back there, I guess I overreacted."

"He just... loves you a lot." Gently wiping my tears away tenderly with his thumb. I froze, speechless. I was so unlike Conrad to ever mention his name let alone Jere and I's long ago, way- way, in the past relationship. "That's why he's acting like this, it's because he's still in love with you." Conrad said in a clear unwavering voice pulling me into his arms.

"No, no he's not." I denied pulling him around me but even I knew that was completely untrue. "Belly I'm fine, I'm not worried." He said whilst giving me a reassuring squeeze. "You're my wife now, what we have is forever... that's all that matters."

"Forever", I repeated casually back to Conrad, trying hard to hide my enormous smile growing within.

I followed him downstairs back into the living room where Jeremiah was still laying almost lifeless. Concern took a backseat to the giant annoyance of the whole situation. I tried so hard to remain positive, to keep myself from exploding with rage (again). I guess Steven had left after our somewhat disagreement, a downplay what had really occurred.

"I guess we have time to ourselves before he wakes up, why don't I start by making you breakfast." Conrad said sweet leading me to the almost empty fridge. "Well... we have two-night old Chinese food, an almost empty carton of milk and a really bruised, umm..._sad_ apple, take your pick." giving his classic Conrad smirk. I couldn't help but smile. "I'll go out and pick us up some actual food." He added.

"That would be nice." I said pecking him on the cheek as he grabbed his keys off the counter. Just before he was about to leave, "oh I umm.. need my shirt back." He tugged me closer wrinkling his tee in his playful fist. I pulled it over my head and reached my arm out to give to back to him. "Here." "By the way, you look beautiful." So he had noticed. I wish this was his first reaction. "_Thanks_."

Just a quick few minutes later I heard the old muffler pulling up the driveway followed by the familiar shutting of the front door, I guess Conrad had just pulled in. I was in the middle of looking at our wedding photographs on the computer which Jill our wedding planner had just forwarded. Photographs of each and every combination, Con and I... Steven, Con and I... Steven, my mom and I... etc, etc and lastly a picture of all four of us- Conrad, Steven, Jeremiah and I. That one was my favorite, a keeper my dad would call it. In a single frame it manages to capture my entire life, my favorite people.

"Forget something", I asked as I heard Conrad re enter the room, except it wasn't Con it was Steven.

"Huh?" He asked confused, "Forget what?"

"Oh I thought you were Con." I answered startled, "He went out to buy stuff for breakfast."

"Great, I'm starving." He said rubbing his stomach in an over-exaggerating and completely annoying way. "Who says you're invited?!" I replied snarly. I was still mad that these two numb nuts had ruined what, up to that point, was the perfect morning.

Steven placed his hand over my shoulder spinning me around in the office chair towards him. "Look, I know you're mad- I said I was sorry. You're going to forgive me anyways so why not do it now?" Urg, it's times like these that Steven can be so aggravating. And what made it worst, is that he was actually right- cocky as hell. But right. I would forgive him eventually, I always did. He's my brother do I really have a choice? I thought to myself. "Excuse me, what makes you think I'll forgive you!?"

"Oh please Belly, this is you we're talking about. You can't stay mad, even if you wanted to." "Yes, I can!" I raised my voice, hovering over Steven who was now siting on the comfier seat next to mine. "Fine, you're forgiven. But you and Jere seriously need to get lost." I sighed in a breath of defeat, I hated being second born in situations such as these.

Conrad arrived back shortly after carrying a bag full of breakfast goods. Bacon, a carton of eggs, a loaf of white bread and a frozen can of orange juice quickly defrosting in the summer's early heat. I knew for a fact that Conrad didn't even like white bread; he said there was no nutrition in it and that even the bugs wouldn't eat that stuff. As he placed the two Wonderbread slices in the toaster for me, I couldn't help but love him more.

Jeremiah woke at the smell of bacon grease and went straight up to his room without saying a word. Not a "hello", not a "sorry", just the lingering seconds of absolute silence. Growing up Jere was always smiling, winning actual superlatives like class clown, biggest flirt and Mr. Congeniality in high school, which the last I think was a joke from his friends, but still very cool coming from a girl who'd only ever dreamed of getting one let alone three. Seeing Jere like this however... was depressing because that was never something Jeremiah was. My mind drifts back to a morning similar to this one, a perfect summer day. Except this memory had Susannah, when she had been alive, making her famous blueberry muffins. This was back when I was a clueless sixteen year old who never knew how much emptiness weighted, before anyone knew just how much everything was about to change forever. A tear begins to form in the corner of my eye. _"You'll look after him, won't you."_ Her light voice softly reminiscent as clear as it was first spoken. _"Yes". I whisper still holding on tight._ And I did. I had been there for Conrad then, just like I had promised I would. _Him?_ I thought again. And in that split moment I understood, "_him"_, didn't just mean Conrad, it meant Jeremiah too. A friend who needed me and in spite of everything, I walked away.

"Promise me something."

"Anything."

"Promise me you'll never leave."

"I promise." she said without hesitation.


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 7

Conrad's POV:

I knock on the door quietly at first and then louder. No answer- figures. "Jere open up, it's me" I said through the thick, painted wood. Still no answer. I stood there under the illuminated doorway, looking across the vast darkened beyond. Piles of clothes, empty water bottles and junk covered the hidden carpet. Jere was sprawled over his tangled comforter with headphones blaring, blatantly ignoring my presence. I didn't take it too personally. "Bacon?" I asked in my most cheery voice holding up a still warm pan of sizzling bacon strips. Jere flipped the pillow over over his face, crossing his arms tightly. Out of all the "stuff" dispersed everywhere like a previous explosion had erupted, my eyes narrowed in on a familiar picture close to his bedside. A picture of him and Belly, back when they were still dating. She must have meant a lot to him, if he had kept it all these years, even framed. Knowing Jeremiah everything was usually either stained or crumpled, yet this picture remained perfectly intact. And by this simple gesture, I knew at one point she had been his whole world. I knew this because I had done the exact same thing in my freshman year in California. I drove myself crazy missing her, seeing our photo as a constant reminder of what I had managed to fuck up. In second year, I turned it face down in the attempt to finally forget her. The bare table was haunting more so then the picture itself. We really were brothers in some ways, I thought.

"Nice picture." I say. "Fuck off Conrad." He replies back, his voice muffled under the feathery pillow.

"No, I mean it, you guys look nice there. Where was that anyways? Boston?"

_Shut up_, I thought to myself. _Shut up Conrad what are you doing, do you want to die? However a _part of me just kept talking. In hopes of finding some trace of the brother I once knew hidden somewhere deep within this tough guy facade. "I'm serious Conrad, not now. I don't want to cause shit with you." I act like I don't hear his threats- pleads. He's hurting, I out of all people know that. An all to familiar feeling. It's funny that the one thing we had most in common would also be the thing that tore us apart. "Didn't mom give that shirt to Belly for her birthday one year? Huh, it's cute." I pick up the photo, pretending to examine it carefully.

The next thing I know, I'm on the ground, a football digging into my back. I get up and wipe my the blood off my lower lip. Jere sits on the edge of his bed crying, his hand covering his face collecting his tears in the cracks of his palms. I cautiously sit next to him. "I was beginning to think you didn't have any emotions." I said looking at him, bracing myself for another big bruise. But he remained seated, his shoulder trembling with each sob. "I'm sorry", he whispered. "I'm not." I replied, Jere confusedly turns towards me. "By all means I get it, it sucks." "It's hell." He stares ahead, gaining the courage to speak. "How do you think I feel knowing that it was always you. That I didn't even have a chance. I hate you for that."..."Me too."

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Jeremiah's POV:

"I'll get over it...eventually." I add. Conrad looked relieved followed by a slight nod of approval. "But not here." That relief quickly drained from his face. "Dad and I were talking recently. He was willing to let us buy the house from him at a reasonable price. He said there was no point in having it in his name anymore."

"What? Like for real." His voice suddenly perky. I could see his eyes darting from eyes to side, processing this new information. "I told him no." Conrad stood up. "Are you fucking insane Jere, that's great news!? How could you not even talk this over with me first before you declined!? This is my house too!"

"Exactly!" I shouted back. "I told him no. I told him to offer it YOU- you and Belly as a wedding gift. That I don't want it." "Wait, huh?", abruptly stumbling on his words. "You heard me, I don't want it." I tried pushing past him, but Conrad grabbed me by the collar of what once was my best dress shirt. "This house is yours too Jere. It's always been ours." I brushed him off and headed towards the door. "Not anymore."

He followed me down the hall. "What do you mean by not anymore?" His voice echoing behind me. "Just like it sounds." I said not looking back. "Wait!" He said grabbing my arm, I may have stronger but Conrad was always faster. "Look, I just can't be here okay? You're happy, I'm happy. Can't we just leave it." "No- not until you explain to me what's really going on, this is mom's house we're talking about." _He says like I don't know._ "Mom would've wanted you guys to have it." It always kind of bugged me that she was their biggest fan. But I guess in her defense she wasn't around when Belly and I had been an actual thing. I'd like to believe she'd be just as pleased.

"That's ridiculous Jere. Mom loved you."

"I never said she didn't." I respond, almost beginning to break down again. Sometimes it hurt to think about her and how much she loved us- knowing that we would never have that love again.

"...But Conrad it's just a house." He looked taken aback. This was something I thought about a lot recently considering how much my mom was on everyone's minds in sight of the wedding. Here, she was everywhere and everyone knew it. I remember vividly that one summer Con ran away - came running back here. And I remember how much we fought for this. How it all seems so insignificant now. "It was a house full of memories, mostly good, this house was undoubtedly her." But I realized over time that she is not this house, and that somehow this doesn't represents anything more than what it is. "I'm not losing her by doing this Conrad, she'll still be here even if one day _this_ isn't." And by _here _I didn't mean the ground where the foundation lies, the stretch of beach which surrounds it or even Cousins itself. _Here,_ as in our hearts where she had never really left.


End file.
